Four score and seven years ago, a man who claimed to be Jesus was born. No one knew where he came from, but all that mattered was that he decided to do something that had never been done since the Nazis had risen to power after the Great War of 1929 -- rise up against them. Thus, the Hipster revolution of 1969 was set into motion. Rising up against the oppressive regime of the Nazis, Jesus led the Hipster Revolution to victory in the Great Battle of Green Hill, where both sides suffered heavy losses. 15000 Nazi troops were slayed, as well as 13000 Hipsters. In the heat of the Battle, the leader of the Nazis, Piglet, was killed when he tripped and fell on a banana peel. After the death of Piglet, the Nazis, without a leader to turn to scattered in fear and were defeated.
Soon, the Hipsters took over the nation. Unfortunately, this peace was not to last. Jesus, disappearing into the desert periodically for 40 days at a time, proved to be a weak leader, and in the tryst for power, Jesus was deposed and sent into eternal exile in the desert, and the Hipsters split into two factions: The Jihadists, and the Soviets. The Jihadists, led by Sheikh Mr John Cena, wanted to bring everlasting peace to the world through shooting everyone. “If no one is left on Earth,” said Shiekh Mr John Cena “There will be peace. Cause there won’t be any people to fight each other with.”
Of course, the Soviets didn’t agree with the Jihadists about this. The Soviets were headed by Captain Vladimir Stalin, a clone of 16th century pirate Dredd Locke Jones. As a result of this, Captain Stalin had no left eye. He attempted to hide this defect from the populace by wearing a Darth Vader mask at all times. “Man Vader is so cool,” said Captain Stalin when asked. “He can choke people at will. Shit’s hot.” Captain Stalin was also fond of foreign movies. When asked which was his favourite, he replied, “Bible Black”
What way to resolve their differences than shooting at each other. Thus the Great Civil War of 1979 began. Prince Arthur of the Great Britannian Empire decided to invade, in order to “restore peace to their land.” Also, they had oil. Prince Arthur sent 200 attack helicopters to firebomb the nation.
However, at this time, the remnants of the Nazis reemerged from hiding to defeat the Britannian forces, using a nuclear missile to take out all the helicopters at one. As a result, the thankful and fickle populace put the Neo Nazis back into power. This was when the super genius Leonardo Da Vinci was born.
At around the same time, the leader of the Neo Nazis, Piglet’s brother, Pig, created a team of enforcers - super soldiers, who would patrol the land, striking fear into deviants and miscreants. This team, called the Revengers, was consisted of Batman, Superman, Captain Germany, Iron Man, Shrek and Lightning McQueen. They hunted down whoever remained of the Soviets and Jihadists. For a short time, Captain Stalin and Shiekh Cena worked together to lead their remaining forces into hiding. They were ambushed by the Revengers multiple times, and thousands died before they found a safe haven in the Caves of the South. Then, Captain Stalin murdered Shiekh Cena in his sleep. He took control of the Jihadists, most of whom pledged allegiance to him. Those who remained loyal to Cena escaped into the desert, vowing revenge. There, they regrouped with Jesus, and together they re-established themselves as the Hipsters 2.0
Meanwhile, Da Vinci was growing in power. For years he continued his research in secret, until one day, he revealed his invention to all, a massive death ray built inside a lighthouse. The Neo Nazi government, believing him to be dangerous, sent the Revengers to kill Da Vinci before he could put his weapon into use. But they were overwhelmed by not only the power of the death ray, but also the large number of Death Robots Da Vinci had built to protect his weapon. Soon, all the Revengers lay dead. The Neo Nazis, hearing the news, were horrified. Pig got a heart attack and died.
The Soviets heard about the death of the Revengers, and were greatly impressed by, and deeply feared, Da Vinci’s power. For the next few months, the Neo Nazis and the Soviets vied for the favour of Da Vinci.
The Neo Nazis, as willed by the late leader Pig, drew lots to determine their next leader from among their number. It turned out to be Robert, an obese neckbeard weeaboo who rarely left his bedroom to attend the Senate. In his first term as leader of the Neo Nazi Party, Robert changed the National flag from a swastika to picture of Konata from Lucky Star, and changed the national anthem to Snow Halation. Da Vinci was intrigued by the thicc anime oppai which the Neo Nazis now offered, agreed to a partnership with them.
The Soviets knew they were at an end. So they ran away into the desert. There, they were intercepted by Jesus and the Hipsters 2.0. Captain Stalin and high ranking members were kidnapped in the ensuing scuffle. They were taken to a secret base in a pyramid.
In the pyramid, Jesus led the captured Soviets into a secret chamber. There lay the mummy of Count Dracula. The Hipsters 2.0 revealed their plan to regain power. They revealed that Dredd Locke Jones was actually Count Dracula’s brother. They would sacrifice Captain Stalin, his clone, and use his blood to reawaken Dracula, a powerful apparition who would then rise up for them and defeat the Neo Nazis. Jesus watched as the executioners ripped off Captain Stalin’s Darth Vader mask and prepared to chop his head off. Suddenly, the ground shook and the pyramid collapsed above them, trapping them under piles of rubble. It was Prince Arthur. Citing the oppressive regime of the Neo Nazis, he found an excuse to annex the nation once again. This time, he brought his entire fleet of airships -- 15000 attack helicopters, 12000 fighter jets, 4000 remote drones and 2000 zeppelins. They were under specific instructions to glass the entire land, leaving only the capital intact. The Neo Nazis were simply overwhelmed by the scale of the invasion. Even Da Vinci’s death ray and death robots, managing to take out nearly 8000 airborne vehicles, was soon destroyed by the fleet. Standing inside the lighthouse as it crumbled and toppled into the ocean, Da Vinci uttered his last words, “fuck yeah science” as he crashed into the ocean and was dashed to pieces by the rocks below.
Robert was at a loss. His only words as he surveyed the situation were “kawaii desu ka.” He knew that the fleet was advancing towards the capital rapidly and needed a plan. His advisors helped him come up with one. He migrated most of the scientists and engineers in the capital to a secret underground lab, to build giant gundam robots, while he and his government feigned surrender above. And that was done.
As a result, the nation was annexed, and became a colony of the Great Britannian Empire. From the Central Command Centre in the London Parliament house, Prince Arthur declared his victory to the people of Britannia. He then flew to the nation personally to negotiate the terms of the surrender. As he flew overhead, all he saw was a huge swarm of his airships and battle drones, hovering over a landscape of glass. He landed in the capital and began negotiating his terms. Among those that were agreed on was the execution of all Neo Nazi leaders, including Robert. His people wept as Robert was led into a gas chamber and died a painful death at the hands of the Britannians.
Meanwhile, the Soviets and the Hipsters 2.0 had dug a tunnel into another, deeper hidden crevice in the Pyramid. Seeing as to the severity of the situation, Captain Stalin agreed to sacrifice himself to reawaken Count Dracula, who could hopefully bring an end to Britannian Rule. They performed the ritual, but to their dismay, nothing happened. The Soviets and Hipsters 2.0 took Dracula’s body and trekked back to the caves, which had miraculously escaped the glassing of the land, mostly. There they hid, formulating a coup.
At the same time, the spirit of Robert lived on through the Neo Nazi scientists, hard at work in their secret lab on their giant robot gundams. Based on designs that Da Vinci left behind before he died (possibly after Robert introduced him to giant robo anime), they constructed 6 giant gundam units after months of work. With Protocol 09 being approved, it was time to put their plan into action. Without warning, all 6 units shot out of the ground simultaneously. Through the public announcement system, the lead scientist, Robert’s cousin Dr Johnny Johnson, announced that they would be retaking control from the Britannians. Prince Arthur, sipping his morning tea in Buckingham Palace, choked on it when he heard this news, and ordered that the robots be destroyed, even if it meant taking the capital with them. The Imperial Fleet was sent out once again.
Meanwhile, miraculously, Dracula awoke. The Soviets and Hipsters 2.0 gasped as he opened his eyes. So they did do the ritual correctly. They explained their situation to the count. “An apparition takes no orders from a human,” he said, “but for once I will make an exception.” He flew into the air and, seeing the advancing Imperial fleet, let forth a mighty burst of dark energy and destroyed 30000 of the advancing fleet, leaving only the 100 most elite airships, the Seraphim. The giant gundam units launched into action. As one rampaged the government center, destroying the senate building while it was in session and murdering almost all of their Britannian overlords, the rest shot into the sky to do battle with the Seraphim, together with count Dracula. It was a prolonged battle, but eventually all 100 of the seraphim crashed and exploded on the glass desert floor. The people had been liberated and they cheered, rushing into the streets to celebrate. Prince Arthur, hearing of this and ashamed at his humiliation and loss of honour, drew his pistol and shot himself. The Britannian age had come to an end.