A massage from craigslist or any of the other online sites similar. I end up getting arrested spent 3 days in jail, went to court and was dismissed of all charges.
Long story for those interested. I worked as a bouncer at a bar and I can usually handle myself but had to throw one guy out and his friends came out straight after him and got me face down then continued to hit/kick me in the back. I pissed blood for a week. The cops show up, we do the whole police report and camera watching. My boss tells me to go home after I got a beating and I did not listen. While him and I were walking the strippers out to their cars he asked me to come back inside because he had to count down. Which is usual and I do not mind it because basically it means me and the boss just bullshitting for the night. So basically I am review tabs/bills/earnings (because I memorize thing very easily and he loved it I could spot a thief in a heartbeat through numbers), also he usually tipped me hundred dollars for protecting him during the night. Which I was cool with, only exception is when he wanted me to drop nightly deposits of at the bank. We are about to walk out and I get this shooting pain up my back which drops me to my knees. He looks at me and says you are not coming back to work for the next week but he will pay me for as if I did show up to work. He takes me back into his office and says I got something that will fix you up, but I will have to drive you home. So he did not tell me what it was but he gave me an injection of heroin. I spent the next day and can barely move except for puking.
At this point my back and kidneys are in so much pain I keep popping OTC drugs to ease the pain, but nothing really works. I go to a doctor then says I have a slipped disk and bruised kidneys. He tells me to go to the ER but at the time I had no insurance or anything. So I am laying in bed and barely move and start surfing the internet (at this point the only way I got food or anything was paying taxi drivers to pick up stuff for me).
I call every chiropractor in the state and everyone was qouting me 800 to 1000$ so my stupid ass thinks a simple hard massage will fix it. So I go on craigslists and see a woman who had a huge resume and worked as a massage "therapist" part time. So I email her and then called her then tell her my problem. She agrees that she can fix it.
So when she comes I open the door fully clothed and she tells me to disrobe. I go into the bathroom and have a towel around my waste and tell her the problem is in my left side of my lower back. She tells me that I want something more. I told her not really I just want to be out of pain.
However no one will probably read this so it is here hopefully there.