Being a soft naive loner who was more feminine, or in the least lacked masculinity as a boy. As soon as puberty hit I fell deep into depression. Was teased by my friend group for shaving my body an wore long pants for the next 7+ years. Girls would hone in on my lonelyness/saddness and even made a bet to date me for a pencil. Then I befriended someone who was not sexually naive as I was and caught me up (verbally) pretty fast. Then started using my uneasiness and nativity to start harassing me. Trying to expose my genitalia randomly in front of her friends, cross dressing, pushing boundaries with her boyfriend and me (flirting with me, touching me etc.) She knew I had a crush on her and used it heavily against me. After I abandoned that friend group I was desperate for anyone to be friends with and that ended with me being touched inappropriatly in the school parking lot by a recently graduated super senior as a 14/15 year old. He was drunk, drove to his place, but I'm pretty sure he sobered up enough and nothing happened. Thank goodness, because holy hell (it just hit me that he may have been 21+ and not recently graduated)...After that I completely isolated myself desperate for friends but also thinking everyone hated me or was using me. That the only way people talked to me was because they had to. Got a girlfriend who we were both toxic to each other. Not verbally or physically, but just not being to handle and vent our teenage emotions correctly as she had a rough home life with a gang banger step dad and deadbeat mom. While I dating her only for companionship.

After the 10th grade I was not really bullied, but still had trust issues and struggled to make friends. But I finally got the courage to ask the girl who I was madly in love with for years and we dated for 2 years. She left me right when she graduated highschool, which made the feeling of only being only liked because people HAD to be around me even worse. (In reality it was because I couldn't grow up, relied on her too my much, among other things) I failed and dropped my last semester of college of my first year, was fired from my job, and the world went numb.

Going through the daily motions at 19yrs old and set a date a week or two before christmas for self murder, and it was the most clear and calm my mind had been in my life. As the days clicked closer I was ready, even happy. Then it clicked, went onto Google and found that I was not alone. That everything I felt that led me into depression, and even before in my childhood when I was confused about my genitalia not looking right and the dissociation with my body. So I ended up transitioning, and let the 2nd around of bullying begin! Partly my fault as I transitioned socially way too early. This was right before everything trans to an weird degree was everywhere in the media post 2015. People actively avoided me or were friends with me because I was trans. I'd hear laugher and snickering on my expense. Had clinical instructors give zero feed back, was annoyed when I asked questions, only to watch me fail. All other instructors before that rotation gave me good remarks and helped me when I made an error. But these people wanted nothing to do with me in particular, other classmates were fine. My class professors were amazing and compassionate, and gave me another chance to repeat. I ended up switching majors as I hated direct patient care. Sticking with the medical field I've come to learn that those clinical instructors could have just been petty and not mean for anything trans related. It's weird to see people attack people for no apparent reason, and it's sad to see it so much in my related field of work.

Now I pass 99% of the time, work in a more conservative area but everyone knows about me and gives zero Franks either way (much preferred). It's funny how fast words gets out when one person knows though... I never hid my trans status, only ever bring it up when directly asked. Usually to why I can't have kids dispute really wanting 3-4 kids, or about post pregnancy incontinence that I can relate too as cross sex hormones caused muscle atrophy or my 8-15 daily bathroom breaks because of my testosterone blockers causing damage. I have friends who like me and actually want to be around me and ingage in conversation first. I'm self reflecting more and trying to remember and work on everything that happened in my past, but it's hard because everything is so grey and fuzzy in my head. It's just nice to finally live in a world that has color and the world has never been so beautiful.