Throwaway.

So I'm on vacation with my husband at a hotel in Spain, and I hear panicked, desperate knocking at the outdoor patio at about 11:30 pm.

It's my husband whispering "Tara---TARA---p-p-please open the door NOW!"

I go to grab it...then I'm skeptical. I can't see him out there. It's so dark.

"What are you doing out there?"

He says "Don't worry about that, please just open the door!"

I go to turn on the light. He yells "N-n-n-NO! Please DON'T!"

I say you're talking crazy. I turn the light on.

My husband is standing, locked outside, BUTT-NAKED.

I laughed so hard.

He covered his little package and said "Please let me in!"

I asked him what he was doing.

He said he tried to run outside to get a photo of the full moon real quick, but all he had on were his boxers, and they caught on the chair and ripped right off his butt as he stumbled outside.

That made me laugh till I had tears in my eyes. "Full moon? Now you're showing off YOUR OWN full moon! My God that butt must be jiggling up a storm hahaha!"

My know-it-all hubby, as nekkid as the day he was born, chubby belly under a spotlight for the world to see.

I said "My God you are SO naked. You literally have NOTHING on. Not even socks! Hahahaha"

Then I decided to make it a little more interesting.

I said "I would love to just take you inside as you are and ride you all night long baby!"

Suddenly, his limp weenie turned into a boner for all of Spain to see!

He said "Sarah PLEASE!" as he squirmed and tried to keep it covered.

Suddenly a few neighbor's lights went on, and my bare-assed naked, aroused husband was pleading to get inside.

I made him yell "TARA IS THE QUEEN!" before letting him in and slapping that bare, white, round BOOTY as hard as I could.

As his exposed white bottom ran inside with his boner bobbing away, I turned around to see a woman my age give me a "NICE!" thumbs up, hold up her camera phone, and do an AIR-squeeze to those buns! hahaha