My dad shot himself about 5 years ago... we talked the night before on the phone for almost 6 hours, it's like he had so much he wanted to say. It shocked me when I got the call at 4 a.m. and it took me years to not feel really weird about it. Let me break it down simply: at first I thought felt really guilty, like I should have known. Then I got the creeps because I thought his tormented spirit was everywhere... the hairs on my neck would stand up because I thought he was watching me. Then I felt ultra sad because I was a young girl left alone. I felt like everyone was a vulture at the gut wagon... I couldn't trust anybody because my dad wasn't around. For awhile I was pissed, too. You know how you're dad is the toughest guy you know your whole life... I was pissed because maybe all of that was a lie. Over these past years I'm actually ok with it. I have a weird little shrine in my house with some of his rock collection and a 5 headed hydra he gave me as a kid. For some reason this helped. Let me be honest here on reddit, though. The hardest part for me still is that I think alot about how maybe I'm capable of that kind of thing, too. Like im somehow marked for this... I know it's weird but sometimes I worry that I could make a knee jerk decision like that, too. I'm not mad anymore. I'm not scared. I'm not even disappointed. I get why he did it. He was sick and nobody knew and he didn't want us to all suffer. It's funny how a thing like this can color every day of your life though. I remember in the months after every movie I saw had a gunshot to the head. Everything was steeped in it. Idk how others have taken it, but you Hafta kinda come to terms with it so it's not like a stone in your shoe for the rest of your days. Try and see it from their side. TL;DR: at first it's a shit show but you have to decide if you'll let it color the rest of your life.