I was working for this older lady in her late seventies or eighties who ran a family business. Somehow, and I'm not even sure how this came up, I think another coworker and I were discussing rape) and the little old lady boss overheard and weighed in on how it comes down to what the woman is wearing, and similar victim blaming bullshit. Trying very hard to be polite and not give her a heart attack by leaping over the counter and getting in her face, I still very vehemently denied that and cited a friend's example of being repeatedly raped by a neighbor over 2 years despite always wearing baggy overalls and sweatshirts. I am proud that I mostly managed to use my inside voice, but I was not going to let that fly despite her age or my respect for the elders.

I used to wonder why people used excuses like this. Especially women. I don't think rape has become more common in our more admittedly scandalous age of clothing choices or sexual freedoms. I think rape was always common.

But I do think women were taught this to

A. Internalize that even as a victim they are responsible for men supposedly not being able to handle their libidos. It keeps them bidable, easily managed, and above all, quiet about the transgessions of men in their life because of their ingrained shame.

And

B. Being taught victim blaming stereotypical sayings along the line of "she was asking for it" helps give (a hugely false) agency to women. Don't want to be raped? Don't wear a miniskirt. Don't want to be forcibly groped and manhandled? Don't drink or act like one of those women. While there are some things people of both sexes can do to help limit to some degree how easy of a target they are, the truth is, if someone wants to get/harm/rape you, it can very easily happen. Believing that if you're a "good girl" that men will only target those "asking for it" sluts is a dangerous smokescreen and a false empowerment.

I believe that this is slowly being bred out of the public. There are a few shock-writers on the internet like douchey-roushey, but all in all, I think victim-blaming is slowly going away. It's still absolutely present but I don't think it's to the same overt level of shame-blaming as from older generations.

There is now even some attention being paid in the media to men being raped, and I'd like to think that the "man being raped" joke gag in frat-like comedies is becoming less common but maybe I just watch them less now.