I've had two jobs that both lasted less than 4 hours.

I worked as a dishwasher at a local mom and pop Italian restaurant in Southern California. At the end of the night, I had a stack of dishes piled up to the ceiling. Each dish was caked with broiled on cheese and burnt marinara. The owner, Vera, walked around the kitchen barefoot with a cigarette danging out of her mouth, and would look at the dishes in the drying rack and scream "DISHES HAVE TWO SIDES, HONEYYYY." Then she'd throw them back in the soapy water and cackle. She and her family just sat there laughing at me because I was struggling to get the dishes done. While I was working, they were sitting in the office playing N64. After about an hour of doing the dishes, she yelled at me to "take out the trash." That was fuckin' it. I grabbed the trash. Put the bag in the back seat of her Miata convertible. Hopped in my truck and smoked the best cigarette I've ever had. Kinda regret bailing like that. I was 16.

I also got fired from KFC within 4 hours. I showed up for my first day worried about acne. I had awful skin, and could only imagine the monstrous volcanic zits this greasy ass work environment was about to create on my face. Soon as a I get there, I see a few dudes smoking a joint in the back, so I take a few hits and chat them up. After a minute, the same two dudes start passing around a meth pipe. I politely decline. We go in, they show me the ropes. I start frying chicken. We get a 15 minute break a couple hours later, and go out and have a cigarette. I watch the two dudes smoke more meth. We go back in, and one of the dudes takes me in to the fridge where all the chicken is and says, "watch this." He starts to pee on all the chicken that has yet to be fried. At that point, I'm kinda over these two meth heads, and decide I'll just go smoke a few bowls in the freezer, which was an awesome idea. I go in there, get mid way through a bowl, and the manager walks in mid-exhale. She says, "dude, you gotta leave." So I got fired in less than 4 hours, but I like to think of it as self-sabotage/quitting because that was the worst fuckin' job ever.