My mom was pretty abusive. She has anger issues.We are 3 siblings with barely a year between each birth.Got beaten at the drop of a hat for anything and everything.
I was always a fussy eater. Got thrashed not just beaten to make me eat food. I used to take upwards of one hour for one roti. and absolutely detested vegetables. She would threaten me if i threw up, she would make me eat vegetables from my puke. Needless, to say, im in my twenties and i hate food. obviously, underweight as fuck too. but i cant get myself to eat certain things and feel nauseous after every meal.
Lets not even get to her failing marriage with my father. She put all the blame on me. she would get upset for something i wasnt even aware of and pick a fight with dad. silent treatment. harsh words. you name it. she told me that if my dad ever dies, ill be the one responsible. this was way back in 10th grade. i die a million deaths even if my dad feels a bit sick. i can never forget this sentence in my entire life.
I didnt want to do engineering. I wanted to do design. she said if i picked design, she would rather that i stay at home and become a maid. Doing engg. failed twice. became suicidal. brother found out about my plan. was taken to a psychiatrist and diagosed with bipolar.
Refuses to believe that i have bipolar and depression. its only because i "think negatively thats why i have all this and everyone has mood swings." I left therapy and medication. this move was supported by both parents. I struggle most days but i get through.
the remarks on my appearance. lets just forget those.
needless to say i am a bundle of fucked-up-ness and i loathe myself. I fear my mother more than i love her. I avoid speaking at home as much as i can.
I cant change her now so i try not to piss her off. And judging from her actions after the storm has passed, I dont think she really knows what sort of effect her words and actions have on others. She is oblivious.
she has her nice moments too. but that doesnt change the fact that she is abusive and manipulative. I love her though.