Straight up copypasta from the OP.

This happened earlier in the week, but I had to wait until the weekend to post so don't sacrifice me for it...

The other night night we had some pretty serious storms in the city where I live. Aforementioned city is in Southeast Louisiana in case anyone has an overwhelming desire to know. So, my girlfriend has a friend that is the manager of a daiquiri shop in town and this friend said that she was looking for some company during the storm since business was dead. For those of you that don't know, daiquiris are basically the equivalent of an alcoholic Slush Puppie. Anyway, my girlfriend pitched the idea to me of going to the daiquiri shop and I said sure, why not.

Now, visiting this friend while she's at work usually results in fair amounts of free or very low cost alcohol. We got there, sat and talked, watched signs and umbrellas blow around, watched the lights flicker several times. You know, good times. All the while we were getting our drink on...

Fast-forward a few hours, girlfriend and I are both feeling good and decide to leave so we can have some sexy time. We're headed down the road when she starts running her hand up and down my thigh. I take this as a cue to instigate some "en route" fun. I tell her, with a wink, that she should go ahead and get started. Next thing I know her head is in my lap. As every man knows, getting a good BJ makes the world around you kinda fuzzy. So at this point I'm only paying very little attention to traffic, but I'm being conscientious enough to make sure my girlfriend is the only thing I plow into tonight.

Here's where the fuck-up starts... In the city of Douchebagistan, LA the police use speed trap cameras. These cameras are not stationary. They are small unmarked crossover sized vehicles with radar and cameras mounted to the top of them. The equipment is large enough to see, but small enough that unless you're actively looking for it you'll completely miss it. To make matters worse, they move these vehicles frequently, so you never know exactly where they'll be. Oh, and one last note... The speed trap takes pictures of both the back and front of your car so that they can get a shot of both the license plate and the driver.

So, back to driving, I'm rolling along and I see a flash up ahead. Shit, a speed trap. It's okay, they got the guy in front of me and not me, right? I check my speed. I'm only going about 3 mph over the speed limit. I slow down out of caution, but surely these things are calibrated to have a few mph of grace, right? Another flash. Fuck me... I'm the only one around. One last flash behind me as I pass. God dammit. I'm already broke, and now I have a ticket to worry about. It suddenly occurs to me that whoever processes these pictures is going to have a nice shot of my girlfriend's head in my lap as well. Okay, this is awkward. Hopefully I don't get some kind of fucked-up charge pressed against me for that.

Then it occurs to me... none of that matters. Not the speed trap. Not the compromising photo... You see, I separated from my future ex-wife three months ago. My truck, however, is still registered at my old address where she lives. I doubt very seriously that she'll open my mail, but there's always a chance... If she happens to open that letter she's going to get a wonderful shot of me immensely enjoying a BJ from a smoking hot woman in a moving vehicle. You know, on second thought, maybe this part isn't a FU after all...?

TL;DR: Girlfriend got frisky in the truck. I didn't watch my speed because blowjob. Made unintentional porn via speed trap camera that my ex-wife may possibly see.