I'm incredibly depressed. I've had depression since elementary school, and it's something that has loomed over me for most of my conscious memory. I'm on medicine that makes my life manageable, but it still hurts getting up in the morning. I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform in areas that I care about (college admissions, high school), but I agonize over every mistake I make and loathe myself for them. Everyday, I worry about my future and if my work will all be for nothing (i.e. rejected from my dream schools despite my constant working and studying). The part that kills me the most is how this relates to my SO. I have never felt any type of closeness or passion towards another human being (difficult family life), until I met her. We’re so close that I feel like I will never thrive in any other relationship or get over her after our inevitable separation.I feel like she's all I have for support. I can’t afford to lose her. She’s all I have. You can discount high school relationships as trivial, but we truly care for each other and love each other. However, our caring for each other as much as we do is a problem, because she feels genuine despair whenever she knows or senses that I’m having a bad day or am struggling. She does everything in her power to keep me happy, but feels powerless. She knows that I struggle with depression, but she thinks it's something that I overcame years ago and am doing fine with. She has no clue what I'm going through mentally, and I never tell her these things because it kills her to hear that I'm sad, and I don't want her to worry or agonize over me. If she knows how I’m feeling, she’ll light herself on fire to keep me warm.