Heh... I just posted in a thread about weirdest dream, which is invariably prison-related for me, which is odd because I've never been to prison.

Going to prison.

I don't know how I'd manage. I'm ex-military and I've heard that prison and military is a bit similar, but I feel like the military is far more safe. I've felt a lot safer in the military than I ever did as a civvy.

My biggest thing is not being able to pee in front of people, or in the near vicinity of those who know I'm trying to pee. It will not happen. This resulted in me having to twist piss tests in the military into a fucked up ruse of me feigning having to shit, and actually producing some shit, just to get the meat gazer back far enough for me to oopsie-daisy the cup real quick off the floor and drain because they didn't sign up for this shit, they really just didn't want my shit vapor getting on them. I was basically employing the same mechanism a skunk might have employed in times of distress.

Going to prison is fearful to me on two levels. First, the peeing situation. Second, the 'not being a little bitch' situation. I'm sure I could hold my own but I'm too goddamn amiable for my own good. In everyday life I go out of my way to make other people's lives easier at the detriment to my own like I flew out of my mother handing out gift cards for 50% off placenta nugget soup.

I always catch myself critical of my initial responses to things, thinking I should have put more effort into standing up for what I believe than avoiding confrontation, and I don't think this would translate too well as a default mode in a prison full of sweaty, throbbing criminal penises.

I dunno, maybe I'm overthinking it all, but I have recurring nightmares about going to prison. I don't even think about it during the day, shit just comes up in my dreams all the time and it sucks to wonder how traumatic shit is gonna be next time you fuck up and fall asleep.