I just want to say something here after thinking about my comment on the other post and then I’ll leave this topic alone. I’ve always been a feminist - a true feminist - which isn’t about putting men down or bragging about being as big of a pig as the piggiest men. A true feminist is about achieving things on your own, and making it on your own, without needing to rely on men, and knowing you have value whether you have approval from men or not (and needing to assert your authority with them means you doubt your inherent value and need them to grant it to you through their respect).

OE is the most feminist thing you can do. Tech was already a boon for true feminism, since it made it possible for a lot more women to earn six figures without working to death (options like doctor or lawyer existed since the 70s/80s but I don’t need to work 80 hours a week in my career and I never had student debt, something most doctors and lawyers are burdened with). These large corporations already make it so you can hide in them, and not be overworked, remote or not. Then remote work made it even more so, especially for mothers. 20 years ago, I don’t think I could have had this life as a mother and provided the kind of comfort, stability, and enrichment I am able to now provide for myself and my child, while also being home and around all day, and not spending hours commuting and coming home too exhausted to be a mom. I can live in a wonderful family area, despite it being obscenely expensive and out of reach to other single mothers, unless they divorced a wealthy man (and had to tolerate marriage with him). I can take my child on really cool vacations that expand and illuminate their mind, instead of the lame cheap $799 Carnival cruises where people just stuff themselves with food and alcohol. I can afford any necessary healthcare. I have full-time help that I can pay and treat well. This life would have been simply unimaginable before remote tech work. Again, my options would have been prostitute myself to the highest bidder that agrees to support me and my child, or live in poverty, like too many single mothers do.

OE just puts all these benefits on steroids.

I don’t need to date to ensure my livelihood, have never needed to date since getting a good and marketable education when I was in college, and get to choose not to date at all now that I’m a mother, even though I could - I’m still young and attractive and in shape and would normally need to capitalize on that to ensure a provider for me and my child quickly before the window closes - because I don’t need to bring in a partner with a second income in order to have a decent life. Without all the benefits of my current situation, I would have to force myself to date now, when I have zero desire to, and play the game of pretending to be a helpless damsel, and tolerate some man I probably wouldn’t really like, take attention and energy away from my child to give to him, and possibly even have to tolerate unpleasant treatment of my child by a stepfather, because it would be that or a life of poverty and lack and stress. Instead I can take care of and provide for myself and my kid at a level most men wouldn’t even be able to match anyway, and devote all my energy and affection and time to child during the crucial early years. Should I decide to date later, I can afford to be picky, to end it with men that disrespect me or don’t treat my child well, to choose based on the best qualities instead of from desperation and need.

At work? Those dicks that are condescending or don’t treat me with respect? Who cares about them? I make more than everyone on my team (and that’s saying a lot for a bunch of male high-level engineers in finance in one of the most expensive cities in the world). I probably make close to or as much as my boss, who with bonus, gets around half a million a year. I don’t have to play politics anymore, which for women in the corporate world, tech or not, would normally be a death sentence for their career and thus their future earnings - I wouldn’t have the luxury of being standoffish and opting out of the games if I needed to climb the ladder, because unlike men who can get away with it and still be successful, most women cannot afford to not care about politics at work.

But now I can be fine with topping out at one job and don’t need to worry about kissing the right asses and ensuring my ass is kissed and gaining respect so that I can get promoted to management make more. In fact, I recently turned down a management role because it would mean longer hours and a lot more having to pretend to care about the company and the politics. I don’t have to worry about how I’m perceived as a woman or employee anymore. If someone disrespects me, I can laugh it off and ignore it, and gladly do so because it means less energy I have to spend on a job that’s meaningless and has nothing to do with my worth or my enjoyment of life. The checks are still going to be deposited in my account and the only person that matters gets to have an enriching childhood that’s equal to the life the largely male executives and their stay at home wives provide to their kids, at least in terms of the vital things.

Seriously, to the women getting super excited about putting assholes in their place - save that energy and put it toward really kicking ass. You want respect? Make that money. Make more than everyone you know, especially the men. When it comes down to it, people respect money. The people you put down at work don’t care about you. Correcting them and acting like a condescending, passive-aggressive asshole doesn’t make them or anyone else respect you more. It won’t make you respect yourself more. There are far more important things than money of course, but we live in a society where absolutely everything is monetized, and for the most part, especially if you have children, if you want access to the best and most fulfilling experiences life has to offer, you need money. Money also buys you the freedom to not have to care, to not have to kiss ass and demean yourself, and not have to be wrapped up in the empty corporate BS. That’s truly empowering for me, as a woman and a human being.

Also, I say all this as someone who did not have an easy life. I grew up in extreme poverty, in an even more extremely abusive environment. I did not get love and support and encouragement. I had to learn to do it on my own early. I was bullied at school on top of it, for being poor and dirty and weird. I had pretty major health problems for years that required a lot of active treatment and endurance on my part to heal. I have gone through quite a few severe tragedies, the kind that even one would be enough to cripple someone for life, and because of some luck, perseverance, and the incredibly opportunity offered by the things I mention in this post, have made a life that I could only dream of as a 7 year old. So I’m not saying any of this as a privileged person. The only privilege I’ve received, beyond the luck of not dying in some very life threatening situations I was in, and that every woman has access to, is the privilege of being able to support and provide for myself and my family using modern opportunities not available to our mothers and grandmothers, and I am quite grateful for that. I hope every woman reading this takes advantage of that and makes herself an incredible life with her own two hands.