1) FIGHT FOR YOUR KIDS. You have the same rights she does for parenting time. Ask for joint custody. Most courts look more favorably on joint custody and will find the parent that asks for it as being more reasonable. Your state might have a parenting class that divorcing parents are required to attend, so look into that. 2) He-said - She-said. Unless there is documented evidence you have threatened her, don't worry about the restraining order. It hurts, but if still enforced just means that you have to keep your distance. 3) Don't talk bad about the ex, especially to people she knows. Yup, she is a bitch, a fucking she-devil of a whore, but you get no points for being just as bad as she is. 4) Don't make invalid counter-accusations. If she is doing something wrong, document it. If it is truly something illegal or that could cause harm to the children then alert law enforcement, don't try to fix the situation yourself. 5) You have to ask yourself if the drama of staying with your wife worth it. I was married to my ex for 14 years and after listening to her for a year about getting a divorce, I finally agreed. I was devastated. It hurt, it sucked. Somehow I had convinced myself that she would work this out of her system and that we would get back together, but wow, am I glad I never tried! Get the divorce, suck it up because it will hurt, you will wonder if you are doing the right thing, you'll cry over the loss, over the loss your kids will suffer, but afterwards, after things calm down, life will be better for you, and believe it or not, for the kids as well. At least there will be some sense of . . . stability might not be the right word . . . but order. Mom lives here dad lives there etc. 6) Be forewarned, your soon-to-be evil ex will be filled with rage that you don't miss her. 6 months after getting the divorce, my ex said she realized she made a mistake in getting a divorce and wanted to move in and try again. Nope. She did all kinds of weird shit, for years. She told lies about me, made false claims to law enforcement, all kinds of stuff, but the truth wins out. I used to worry about what the kids would think, what they were being told, but they knew, they could see what was going on. It will be scary, cost money, but in the long term, be better for you. 7) take a look at this: [http://www.reddit.com/r/howtonotgiveafuck/comments/1d6qo3/thought_this_was_relevant_here_the_four_agreements/] I am not trying to change your religion, or your life, but your outlook. Just incorporating one of these principles into your life will make a big change for you. The most important thing is to realize that you are not who your ex says you are, you are who you say you are. One other thing, there are a growing number of support groups for men going through divorce. See if there is one in your state that can give you advice/help regarding state laws or best options for you. My heart goes out to you brother.