I think this is a bit of a tricky one. Weirdly I had this happen with a female friend of mine and her boyfriend, she asked me about it. Basically they had a big argument, she tried to grab (with the intention of smashing his phone) and he grabbed her arm hard to stop her and hurt her. She went and told us all he was abusive. But I think I can kind of understand how this happens sometimes in that sort of situation.

I'm not defending someone who hits their partner, at all. That is not acceptable, ever, once, never. I'd be gone. But the situation you described is a bit more grey in my view and without there its difficult to know what exactly happened. Maybe she physically hit him first and he pushed her back.

Regardless, I think at 41 most people have some baggage. On the flip side how can an internet stranger tell you if you should date him? To me, potentially pushing his partner in a situation you don't really know the circumstances of isn't enough to write him off, particularly in a he said she said situation. But ultimately that is your call. Violent men can be very scary and its often not apparent when first meeting them.