So…he would rather you risk having undetected, easily treatable if detected early, cancer than have a medical professional see your vagina? A Pap Smear is not sexy in the least bit. It’s undignified, it’s uncomfortable, it’s dehumanizing, it’s stressful.
I don’t want to scare people who are scared of Pap Smears. It’s not that big of a deal either way. Your husband’s focus on the possible sex simulation makes me want to emphasize how much this is a clinical medical procedure. The doctors are looking for signs of cancer, not sexual stimulation. Honestly, I am incredulous that he is being insecure about a routine medical screening. When he gets his teeth cleaned or a cavity filled at the dentist, does he find that sexually stimulating? It’s the same thing.
Here’s a CDC link on cervical cancer. https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/cervical/basic_info/screening.htm
He sounds too controlling if he wants to be in the room when you see a doctor. Below are some warning signs of abuse. If he checks off several of these items, leave him.