THANKS FOR POSTING THIS!! I've ranted about this before but what brought me here was my last call with them in October 2014. I hadn't talked to the NPs since Xmas 2013, they left a message on my b-day I figured I'd return their call and not have to call them over the holidays. I didn't know about ACON or RBN back then. I had a head cold so I was pretty sedated and life in the big picture was going GREAT, I figured those good vibes would lead to a good conversation. I got off the phone after an hour or so and went into a solid depression for a few weeks (I'm fine), telling the wife I'd go into therapy if I didn't rebound. I realized they were toxic then my wife found an article on Ns and here I am. I think the depressions was just the typical 5 stages of grieving, I had crap to work through, it's all good.
it's always odd having a conversation with someone you know doesn't like you. I'm cool with that, I tend to try to please people (FLEAS?!) and roll over like a puppy in those situations hoping to make inroads but generally come off like an ass. afterwards it really hit me that my parents do not like me. I knew that but feeling their thinly veiled disdain for me really drove it home. did I mention it was my freaking birthday?!?! I don't care but c'mon, be nice FFS!
like it's been written here, it could have sounded like a normal conversation to a third party. it's the subtle tones, the remarks, the judgment about how they see me, the role I must play and their surprise when I put myself outside of my expected role (I'm definitely the SG, an awful person in their eyes). I recognized this in my teens and have long since separated my sense of self worth away from them.
to boot they were on landlines in the same room. during the conversation they would talk to each other in the same room about the conversation. "did you hear that?!?!" I'd mention a person's name and I hear "write that person's name down." really creepy stuff. they play games out in the open thinking people won't hear them, just give them a little rope - it can be funny. like when parents use a different voice around toddlers or whisper, they do that with adults. you know, because they're superior to everyone around them.
it was actually an OUTSTANDING birthday present, they drove me to learn about NPs, I felt like I won the lottery. ND e-mailed over New Years saying "Happy New Year, here's to a great 2015 with much more contact". he's called a few times since and seeing his name on my phone sets off triggers but since this incident my wife finally really understands the situation (ACON can be hard to understand when you were raised by sweet parents). I've always been the outcast rebel (omfg I'm so milquetoast!) in the family so NC should be easier for me than most, phew.
weirdest part is that most of the conversations with ND my entire life were a few sentences followed by LONG (30-90 seconds, I would often count them out) of dead silence. it's been like that since I was a teenager, I'm 42. they're textbook NPs as is my GC brother, this forum absolutely KILLS me with your collective stories. YOU'RE MY BROTHERS FROM ANOTHER MOTHER!!
MANY thanks to all for sharing your stories, they've helped me feel more grounded. we have a game plan in place, I'm set for NC and the wife is ready to lay on any grenades that get flung my way. they live on the east coast, I'm on the west coast.
sooner or later I gotta walk away from this forum and move on but I gotta write that I can't thank this forum enough for showing me the blueprints to a really f-ed up corner of my life. I'm a healthy person except for this one area and damn, this place blows my mind.