they seem so much freer than men. Men are not free because they have a higher standard that is very strict and aren’t allowed to be whoever they want .

Oh, don't worry, there are shit ton of other chains that will be piled on top of you. As someone who has been on both sides, you're still fighting gendered expectations. Women have it worse in that the sense there is a system, sexism, that can be leveraged via misogyny to police women's actions and bodies. You're not on even footing with men unless you you're living in a favorable environment.

This is Feminism 101.

Women get to love art , and I do love art . They get to have hot men lust over them and get to be protected .

Men get to love art all the time... I mean, like... watch any movie or TV show made in the last 50 years.

Just because you're a trans woman, doesn't mean hot men will list after you. It can be quite the opposite. Dating sucks for a lot of us. Cis men tend to be the most problematic of the bunch.

I don’t have any feeling or memory of not liking my male body , certain parts of it I don’t like like my skin and I have some extra fat I wish would just go away

That could be a big problem, especially if you decide to transition medically. Most of us have a discomfort with our bodies or a deep drive to change it.

Look, I'm recommend talking to therapist about this, talking to close friends, and exploring your gender by presenting more feminine. I have no idea if you're trans, no one here does, but you do have some bad takes about our lives.