Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful response. Much as I was hoping to find a compromise, I really think ultimately you may be right. You also brought up something that I neglected to mention in my OP but probably should have, since it's important: my biggest fear is that his initial promise of "just 5 years" won't pan out. His field is so incredibly specialized that I am not exaggerating when I say that there are typically only 2-5 jobs in his field in this country that are up for grabs every year-- at least if you only count jobs with his exact duties and title, and he does. So what happens if in another 4 years he hasn't somehow found one of those other few jobs? We could very easily live on my income, and he could very easily get a different type of job (his particular job is very hard to find, but his degree is in a field which leaves a lot more options open-- just not ones he wants), but I don't think he'd accept either of these options. He didn't before, when he was unhappy in his job and I wanted to stay in the city where we were living, and he didn't another time, when I hoped to take a job opportunity that would have been great for me in a similar city on the same coast.

Ultimately, although I love him, spending potentially a large portion of my life in a place I hate so much is just not worth any relationship to me. I've had feelings ranging from "this is the best place in the world" to "this place is a little crappy, but hey, there are some neat people and pretty nature" about various places I've lived, but I've never even visited any place I hate as much as this one. It's not any one thing, it's just that this entire area is fundamentally incompatible with everything about me and everything I enjoy, like, or value. So I guess that may be my answer.