I dealt with it by editing everything I had to say to him, for years. If I had an opinion on something I kept it secret. If the trip home from work was awful, I didn't say anything (unless he noticed I was not happy and poked at me until I explained why, at which time he would tell me to suck it up and stop impinging on his emotional space. One of the great mysteries to me was why he'd bothered poking in the first place, if he didn't want to hear it).

I remember one of the last times I shared an opinion with that man on something. We were in a pub and we were talking about the historical energy crisis in California and brownouts. I said that I thought that the government managed the energy situation poorly. He asked me why (and little warning bells went off in my head). I thought, uh oh, here it comes again. I said something along the lines of deregulation, laissez faire ideals, etc. He said I was stupid and was saying stupid things, and I had no way to back all of that up. I cited the length of time I'd read about California, and that everyone knows these things obviously, and he got more and more irate, spitting with anger. People were looking over at our table. I tried to calm him down but he wouldn't have it.

We walked away from the pub and he shouted to a couple of perfect strangers about how he couldn't believe he'd married this stupid woman (me). Right there on the street at the top of his voice. I was so embarrassed and humiliated. He ranted at me the entire way to [some event] about how dumb I was, how thoughtless, and questioned why he had ever believed otherwise.

In retrospect, I should have left him looooong before that.

He had an utter lack of respect for me, my knowledge, my experience, my intelligence, my feelings.

I believe his self-worth lies in his knowledge. Therefore anyone who may know something he doesn't, challenges his self-worth and his self-esteem unless he has accepted them as an authority under his own terms. Clearly he was better and more knowledgeable than me (why? I've no idea why he thought that way), therefore I was no sort of authority and any opinion I had was not to be trusted. Any sort of flicker of opinion was therefore dealt with as potential toxic waste, to be scrutinised thoroughly before he could entertain it. And if I knew something he didn't, he would only accept it if it was corroborated from an authority he had accepted.

Exhausting. Everyone else in my life, including my boyfriend now, believes me when I say something and listens to my opinion. It's freeing and relaxing.