Not too crazy about this piece.

I do not like you general sentence structure for the following two reasons. First, is your sentence length. Sometimes you have several sentences that are short back to back and these could easily be combined. I have it marked in my notes five times. Here is an example:

She knows she has to go in. See what’s going on, stop this. Respawn is the main feature.

There are several issues here. The first sentence ends in a preposition, the second sentence doesn't have a noun, and all of them are too short. When I write all three of these are clues to me that I need to combine some sentences. These should be combined for better flow. As an example: 'The main feature of the game, Respawn, has been disabled. To find the source of the problem, she must go into the game.' I think what I wrote is awkward too but my point is to reword several successive short sentences. Relevant

The other issue I found is your sentence structure. 'Person does action.' Read below.

She raises her right hand and brings it down again in a gesture that is meant to lower the blinds on her panorama-windows. But nothing happens. She repeats the gesture, and nothing keeps happening. Then she realizes that she had already put on the old data-gloves and taken off the ring that would trigger the gesture recognition. She had decided on the ring to keep the blinds from going up and down endlessly when she was doing her Taiji practices. Dammit! She feels hot, in need of tea. Rehearsal starts in 10.

Person does action. (also who needs tea when they are hot?) Also:

Then the flow of Glitterasm starts. Four beats, each a surge of bass cutting through the higher notes floating across the room like a veiled aura. Four clouds of glitter pumped into existence, expanding out, then coalescing into four figures, the four members of the band. New particles are added with each pulse, flowing into the forms contracting and expanding like living starfields. Each pulse is breathing new life into a Langwish and Djinnimy and Tokk and Morgenthau-shaped galaxy playing their greatest hit. The animation progresses into the next phase. It is a slit-scan inspired dizziness vortex.

This is a great opportunity for a descriptive paragraph but you sentence structure ruins the whole lot. Thing does action.

Not finished. The tiny text box annoys me. Give me a few minutes