I can't know how you two feel, but 2.5 and 4??!?@? fuhgedaboutit In my experience...anything under kindergarten age is freaking hard. It took me too long to get my confidence/energy/LIFE back after kids. Mine are 6 and 10 and it's night and day from even 2 years ago. We went through rough patches, but we got through them and I feel like I'm in my prime again. All that to say, look at things in seasons, not forever. I'm sure your wife will eventually rediscover herself again and tides will turn, but you're in a tough season right now. Sunnier days are ahead, but you're in the thick of it right now and it's easy to lose sight. Spend childfree time together as much as possible right now, don't lose date nights. Don't give up.