49 and I've spent the last 30 years trying to get the medications right for my major depressive disorder. One thing that has helped me is to be your own best friend, keep a little slice of yourself deep down that reminds you that every intrusive and self destructive thought is fleeting and should be contextualized as a symptom of your illness. Suicidal thoughts are a symptom of your illness, look for a remedy for the symptom that doesn't allow it to overcome you. You wouldn't douse yourself with water and walk naked into the snow when suffering with the flu would you? It's been immensely helpful for me to keep a part of myself as separate and observing the depressed part of me. Medication can also help give you that "room" in your head that you need to be objective about yourself when all you want to do is hate yourself and die. You see it for what it is, the insidiousness of your disease. As you get older you get better at it. You see your depression like you would the angstiness of a younger person, to be taken seriously but also an exaggeration that is driven by chemistry. Finding the right medication to right the listing ship of your mind is essential. It's also a gift though, you have greater sympathy for other people's circumstances. You see the scared and wounded inner lives of the people around you and you combat the negativity with sincere regard for the people around you. You appreciate the beauty of things like rap music and the connection you have with others. You use your sincerity with others to construct a world where people respond and appreciate your appreciation for them. Also laugh at it all and make the effort to constantly improve yourself because you have a lifetime for the project so you might as well get started now. Cheers my fellow heads!