"I shit you not, this story is true. Agony changes into a new disguise and gets the team into the restaurant. Apparently he knows the owners and they owe him big time, so he gets free sushi for himself and the team. At first, one of the jokers decides to buy the whole joint a round of Sake with the intention of ingratiating himself with the Yak. That doesn't work, so Agony asks the wiz chef behind the bar to make Mr. Yak a little something special. When the Yak gets the plate, he flips out, swipes the sushi off the table, and starts to draw a heater. Big mistake.
"Now, the chef behind the bar was fast. I was seeing him make full meals in under fourty seconds, but I wouldn't have believed what I saw next if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes," Latisha frowned and corrected herself. "Sorry, with Agony's eyes."
"Before the fish could even hit the ground, Senpai Sushi was doing the fragging River Dance on Mr. Yak's face. By the time anyone could even react, the Yak was down for the count and Senpai Thunder Thighs was closing shop and seeing himself to the door. That drek was Homeric. The mage then did his creepy mind probe thing and got some intel from the Yak. Turns out he was selling out his bosses to my uncle for a pretty penny, so there goes yet another suspect off the list.
"The only stone that remained unturned was Luca's house which, with no small amount of badgering from a certain decker, Big Tony authorized the team to search. So Agony and Shadefoot break in while the rest of the team pumps an old woman for information with magic tricks. The latter goes about as well as can be expected, but yields a witness account that confirms the theory that Luca knew his killer personally. So the rest of the team dogpiles into the house and they all start search the premise. Eventually they get up to Luca's bedroom and uncovered a safe. One of them brought up the thought that it might be booby trapped, so their investigation devolved into hushed bickering about who was going to carry the whole thing out to the car. In the midst of their paranoid hissing, a pair of Yakuza vans pulled up to the front and back of the house and five hitmen descended upon them."
"A pair of Yaks approach from the rear while a trio kicks in the front door. I might not be an expert on close quarters combat, but I've seen enough to know a few dos and don'ts to know that Agony was the only participant in this battle that didn't make some horrible error in judgement. While the other four jokers bunch up in the bedroom, he darts out and gets line of sight on the living room. From the weapons check I saw on the DNI, everyone except Agony was packing APDS. He decided that gel shots in a silenced Ruger 950 were the best course of action. I thought it was a stupid idea, too, but I was also scrambling for wireless signals to hack. No dice-the Yaks were either running deep n' dark on a high grade PAN or their guns weren't hitting the 'trix at all.
"Since I was a bit distracted by my frantic search for smartgun traces, the following will be a little garbled. The four musketeers took some fire from the Yaks in the back and returned. Meanwhile, Agony tossed a flash pak into the living room and used his smartlink to put some corner fire on the door kickers. So far so good: the Yaks in the back got winged and one of the enforcers out front took a gel round to the throat and snapped his neck on the corner of a coffee table when he fell back. Less than lethal my ass.
"Then fate, or utter stupidity, caught up with poor Shadefoot, Jules, Cobalt, and Gentleman. If there's one thing you've taught me, Maude, it's that Asians love spicy condiments in any situation," the burrito conceded a shallow nod. "Which is why these guys should have known that the Yaks would want to make a little chunky salsa."
"In one of the greatest shows of incompetence I have ever seen, and I've seen Knights of Lightninghold, the injured Yak in the back tries to toss a frag grenade through the bedroom window...and fails. When I saw that 'nade fall right at his feet, I nearly laughed, but when the other guy went to pick it up I realized something: it wasn't on a fuse, so it was probably using wireless detonation. In that moment, I punched deck faster than I had ever before. The good news is that I got the Yaks with the detonation. The bad news...well, the four musketeers got to go shrapnel surfing.
"Thankfully, the blast took out the Yaks and the team got to walk away with a few usual piercings instead of a few expensive prosthetics. Meanwhile, Agony picked off another Yak with a shot to the face that made me glad the Mona Lisa behind him was a replica. The last Yak took a pot shot through the living room doorway, but got blasted for his efforts.
"Now, Agony was the only one using a silenced weapon from what I could tell, so KE was gonna be on their asses like powdered sugar on cannoli. Fortunately, they had some time so they cracked the safe, took the documents therein, kidnapped a KO'd Yak, set Luca's place on fire to cover up any evidence, and bolted.
"After that, it was just a matter of looking at the files on the way over to Big Tony's. Turns out Giovanni was a goddam rat and was working for the Yaks. Who'da thought Big Tony's favorite wiseguy would be trading in family for a few new ones? The crew notified Big T just in time. Giovanni was detained, but when confronted with the facts he made a last, desperate play to kill Big Tony. The cazzo drew the very same revolver that he used to kill my uncle, but Agony ripped his hand in half with a monowhip that sprouted from his finger. When Giovanni doubled over in pain, I couldn't decided whether I wanted to cheer or throw up.
"After that, the rest is a familiar tale: Big Tony tied up the loose end of the unconscious Yak, strapped Giovanni into some new concrete shoes, and sent him on a little drip down under-and I don't mean the place with Koalas. Nice and tidy. The runners got a handshake and their nuyen and Tony didn't even acknowledge the fact that I was the reason why the evidence was got revealed in the first place. If that grenade had detonated inside the room, it would have been four pissed off Yaks against Agony-and he looks like the kind of guy who likes living more than nuyen. I'd put good money on him bolting once the team's limbs started to commingle. So in a way, I saved Tony's life. No intel, no suspicion of Giovanni. But what did I get out of it? A pat on the head and all the praise in the world goes to a team of third rate amateurs who get carried through battle by a decker they don't even know is running over watch for them."
The slap of Latisha's palm against her forehead made Maude jump-at least as much as a burrito can jump. "Bunny boo, I know it's hard out there, but look on the bright side," Maude unraveled her naked form, her tight muscles as tempting as carne asada. "If Big Tony was stupid enough to let an assassin into his midst once, it's bound to happen again. If he's out of the picture, then maybe someone a little less racist will take the lead."
A quiet second passed and Maude smiled, then shrugged at her own observation. "And if not, then we can always just fuck." And Latisha remembered why coming home was the best part of her day.