As a male, I'd first like to say your previous partner makes me sick and angry. To me the female orgasm is one of the highest honours to witness and saying anything that might hurt a woman would make my stomach churn. No matter how different you are OP, your sexuality is beautiful in its own way.

If I happened to be your partner, here's how I would handle it, there's a chance you are not here for this response so feel free to skip it.

My goal of the session would be to get you turned on so much that you begged for some sort of simulation, not something in particular. I've found that a woman not in the mindset or who isn't receptive to simulation should be approached in many attempts to simulate her mind first, with only teasing touches to start with. One method that works is a tickle/light touch massage with cuddling. Usually slowly working from clit to then vagina is possible, some artificial lube helps.

The second method its hands off, literally. Asking nicely to be treated myself to some tickle and massage by her, stretching the time out to make sure she gets to experience the pulsing of my man hood in reaction to her touch, to feeling me wiggle my hips in pleasure. I ensure I let my voice change and provide missing feedback. This usually ends in her mind overloaded and her nether regions dripping in anticipation. When turned on, she doesn't actually know exactly what I'm doing when I directly simulate her with my hands, the sense of pleasure kind of overwhelms the fine sense if touch location.

I wouldn't expect you to respond the same way, but I would love to help. I feel bad that some women don't get to experience the full capability of the female orgasm.