Op I hope your okay but I have so much anger for everybody telling you how to feel.

Why is it okay for everybody to tell people they've been raped !?!

Situations are complicated and this is reddit bdsm.... No means no does not always apply... and if you were tied it i can see how it could lool like play to him. this is double complicated when one partner isn't really into bdsm as this means proper negotiation may not have happened.

I've read through some of your previous posts and it seems so much more complicated than just one incident especially where you mention using anal sex together to harm yourself. So rather than tell you youve been raped or not to answer your original question you need to have a long and vulnerable conversation. Maybe if you could hear from him how he feels about this it will make him less scary if you see his mistake or if you don't see that then you listen to your gut and make the decision if he intentially hurt you non bdsm.

Then before you have any more sex you make a contract, maybe your safe word is no. Stop and no are okay to use as safe words as long as you aren't that sort of thing .

Take some time to look after yourself and maybe get him involved in after care ? Take a bubble bath together or have him give you a non sex massage to rebuild the trust up.

Hope this helps