I've very much a clean as I go cook. So when we're done eating it's literally just the plates and cutlery which go in the dishwasher. Bigger items or non dishwasher safe items have already been washed by me.

When my partner cooks it seems that every single pan and utensil are used. No food items go back if the fridge or cupboard. The floor is covered in food.

My partner is a much better cook than me. And loves it.

Some evenings I'm tired and would like something quick and easy but partner wants to cook something elaborate and then I have to deal with the kitchen, which i do sometimes resent when i would have been happy with a one pot meal or ordering in or whatever.

On those evenings we discuss and he either cooks and cleans for himself only or he cooks for us and we clean up together.

Sometimes we cook together and I realise the reason my partner doesn't clean during is because of all the snacking as he cooks :p.

Anyway, communicate. Find a happy medium.

As for having everything boxed up to go, NTA. Household manager comment wasn't great though. But then I don't know what the rest of your chore split is.