ESH. You for telling them they have a f’d up view of sex and gender, and them for not respecting your wishes.

Choosing to use less gendered items doesn’t need to be a fight. My first we didnt find out his sex until he was born - most of the items I purchased were in the red/yellow/green/orange colour scheme. My second we found out she was a girl while still pregnant, and despite picking some super girly things out, at least half of her wardrobe was hand me downs from her brother. At the end of the day - just because they buy it doesn’t mean you need to use it.

My son had his share of stuffies and a baby doll to play with, just like my daughter played with tonka trucks and dinosaurs. I think it’s more important to have a variety of things and let your child choose than to remove all gendered things until they are older.

Perhaps a better way to address the issue with your parents might be to share a colour scheme/nursery theme that they can participate in. Or (if it’s part of your plan) mention that you’d like a lot of the early clothing to be able to be used with for subsequent babies without people staring at you strangely for having a boy in pink or a girl in blue. You mentioned your parents said that you “ruined the grandparent experience”. You could tell them that it’s important to you that any children you have be comfortable to spend as much time doing things with both grandparents and not just the one of the same gender. Both girls and boys can want to go fishing and want to learn to knit and bake cookies (or whatever hobbies they have)

At the end of the day, no matter how you dress your child - whether it be pink ruffles and lace from head to toe, or a shirt that literally says “Boy” across it, people will come up to you and ask if your child is a boy or a girl.