Very stuck between YTA and ESH.

She definitely should of called. Anyone coming over unannounced is pretty rude. However, you did not have to speak to her like that. I get you were tired, I get you were annoyed about your wife and child being woken up and rightfully so, but she does not know that. She would’ve known had she called, so your point concerning her lack of announcement is valid. But your tone, especially the cursing, was very uncalled for and probably came off as aggressive. Your sleep deprivation and general stance on her as a whole most likely influenced how you responded to her.

I get that she’s an overstepper in general, but I truthfully think you’re trying to use past occurrences to validate how you spoke to her in this specific instance. Oversteppers are very annoying though, so it makes sense why you don’t like her.

I think both parties should offer apologies.