i don’t completely trust this post, mostly based on my own experience and research i’ve done based on that. studies have shown that 80% of estranged parents are in complete denial that they did anything wrong and entirely blame the rift on their child’s personality or selfishness etc. i think that this study reflects the general mindset a lot of bad parents have, where any issue with the child they raised is somehow completely their child’s fault
for instance, my mom (of ten kids) cut me off the family insurance when i was in and out of the hospital due to physical illness and only 20, because “i’m worried you’re using too much of it and we need it in case we want to get pregnant this year.” she didn’t tell me she had removed me from the insurance until after i received the 8 K in medical bills and asked her about it. this, along with a myriad of other reasons, is why i ended up cutting her off within months. but her version of why i cut her off is that i’ve been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and wanted to selfishly abandon our family when they needed my support (the support i provided them was basically chore slave and parent to my siblings even when though i was ill)
if OP is truly blameless here, why does she have a daughter who refuses to leave the nest? what is being said to the daughter that makes her so frequently offended? why does the daughter feel that she was frequently abandoned as a child and poor? why is the mom‘s first instinct to immediately disconnect her phone and internet when for her entire life, she was allowed unrestricted access? and why is this daughter not in therapy ?
i can’t pretend to know the best answer to this situation because i’m not a professional. but i do hope that OP has taken the time to examine herself here and not entirely blame everything on her daughter. she’s painted a very ugly picture of how she views her daughter’s character. when usually the parent is the only one you can count on to still love even the worst of people. but somehow i have a feeling that you don’t love her