ASH

While it is very honourable to take in another child and care for it as if it was your own, it was quite selfish to not listen to your partner and do it anyway. Your husband is obviously not a bad father just like you said. I think that it was very damaging to say it and contributed nothing into solving this problem.

Put yourself in his shoes. All of a sudden a girl emerges at some point of your life and turns out it's his daughter. He may had very complicated past with his ex, which makes it hard to accept her. He maybe very sad that he wasn't available to his daughter (if he didn't know about her) and is not able to forgive himself for it. All in all I think he needs to attend therapy with her if you both want this situation to be resolved.