I would say esh. OP for the outburst. If this has been building for years I feel like OP should have addressed this sooner also AH for Mom for not doing anything about it either. One parent getting blamed for relationship problems ending with kids picking up on that is tragically unfair.

Also if you’ve ever seen dead bedroom Reddit, OPs suggestions aren’t completely as wild as some of you think they are. While there are questionable things, character limits are real and we can’t possibly get every facet of the relationship in a post. I think some of the comments are glossing over the fact that he tried to come up with a solution and she just didn’t want to play ball, which is fine. Divorcing because of intimacy problems is a valid reason. Some comments seem like they just expect OP to put up with it and are making him a villain strictly on that.