It’s so hard when it’s your first love. Mine was abusive af, but I thought I loved him. It took 3 years of absolute misery before I left. When I did leave, I realized I was completely alone. I had allowed him to isolate me, I hadn’t reached out to any friends in years. You don’t realize how bad it is until you’re out of it.
The best birthday present you can give yourself is freedom. This man does NOT love you. I’m so so sorry, I know how painful this is. You did NOT fail. You did nothing wrong.
I don’t know what your future holds, but I do know there is someone out there that will love you for YOU. Imagine a future birthday where your significant other takes off work on your day, only this time you’re ecstatic when you find out! The fact that you knew your day was going to go bust when you saw he would be with you all day speaks volumes. This is not something you can fix.
NTA, but please put your needs first. This man does not deserve you.