“You dare challenge me?” Henry shouted, standing at the top of his stairs in a short, pink robe. It covered the majority of his torso, but stopped just a few inches below his groin like the miniskirt of a high school girl desperate for attention. Blue, fuzzy bunny slippers rest covered his feet, his legs bare and covered in a considerable amount hairy. Nothing about him seemed even remotely intimidating, which didn’t exactly make sense. He was supposed to be the most powerful person on the planet, the most feared being to have lived. Thousands had tried to kill him, but still he thrived. Yet here he was, half-naked and largely effeminate.
“Yes,” Jake said, placing his foot on the bottom step in front of him. It was soft, even though his shoes, the carpet clearly well taken care of. “We’re here to take your title.”
“What a surprise,” Henry said, yawning. “Just the two of you?”
Jake turned toward Charlie and shrugged at him. He’d thought this conversation would have been a little bit more respectful, the two of them had put quite a bit of effort into their appearance. Jake had spent the last few weeks planning out his outfit, even removing the skull of one of his victims and hollowing it out. He wore it as a helmet, a few tattered pieces of skin remaining around the jaw. Charlie, on the other hand, went a bit more traditional with his outfit, instead going the biker route. He’d covered himself in leather and chains like a Hell’s Angel that occasionally worked the nightshift as a gimp. Jake had suggested he go a bit lighter on the flair, but it looked intimidating enough. Or at least he thought it had.
“Yes,” Jake said. “Just us, The Dead Boys. Perhaps you’ve heard of us?”
“The Dead Boys?” Henry said, laughing. “That’s your name? Are you serious?”
“You’ve not heard of us?” Charlie interrupted. “We’ve killed hundreds of the top ranked fighters. We killed Doctor Destroyer yesterday.”
“Doctor Destroyer?” Henry said. “That’s the worst name I’ve ever heard, aside from yours.”
“You go by Henry, for fuck’s sake,” Charlie shouted. “Doctor Destroyed was able to make anyone he touched explode. We killed him! Come on!”
“Do you want a congratulations?” Henry said, reaching under his bathrobe and adjusting himself.
“Fuck this,” Jake said, turning to Charlie. “Prepare to die.”
“Okay,” Henry said, turning around and walking away.
“What are you doing?” Charlie shouted, lunging up the stairs behind Henry.
“I want to make some breakfast, my kitchen is upstairs.”
“But we’re going to fight to the death,” Jake said from just behind Charlie. The two of them stopped at the top of the stairs, Henry standing a few feet away.
“That’s nice,” Henry said. “I’m going to make some eggs. Maybe a bit of bacon.”
Charlie pulled his arm back and thrust it forward in a punch, immediately slamming his fist directly into the wall.
“Oh, fuck!” he shrieked, grabbing his fist.
“The hell was that?” Jake said, turning toward Charlie, staring at him as he clutched his still-balled fist in his palm.
“I don’t know,” Charlie said.
“Do you guys want any orange juice or something?,” Henry said. He had resumed walking down the hallway and was now halfway to an open door on the far end.
“Fuck off,” Jake screamed, staring up at Henry. “Fight me!”
Jake charged forward, his eyes set on the back of Henry’s neck as he tensed his legs and ran straight into the wall beside him.
“Oh god!” Jake shrieked, grabbing his nose to confirm it was not bleeding. It was, in fact, soaked in blood.
“It’s not fresh squeezed or anything,” Henry said, “but it’s still pretty good.”
Jake glanced up in time to see Charlie rushing down the hall toward Henry, his billy club held in his outstretched hand.
“Fuck you!” Charlie screamed, lifting the club in the air and smacking himself in the shins. “Oh Christ!”
“I also have Eggo Waffles,” Henry said, disappearing into a room on the right. “Blueberry and plain.”
Jake turned toward Charlie and nodded, then began charging up the stairs.