My trauma isn't physical or sexual either. It's verbal/psychological, but it's just as much what was done and said as what wasn't. It was 'abusive', neglectful body language, feeling like I was not allowed to talk or feel, breathe, or be who I was.

Part of it was intentional abuse and part of it was the other parent coping with having an abusive spouse. One was controlling, and asserted that I was unwanted, never enough- and the other was withdrawn, depressed, and emotionally unavailable to raise me properly.

I'm a victim of emotional neglect and it's an invisible-ever compounding curse, making me repress everything about myself. By 4 years old I couldn't trust any adult because I only knew hate and aloofness.

I've never seen a therapist, because I feel like they wouldn't understand me or find the situation I grew up in, and that has marked me for life to be trivial. Like everything else I keep in, I've become so good at storing my pain away, I barely know how to put what I remember and felt/feel in words anymore. I'd just lie if I sought therapy because my brain has succeeded in erasing swaths of years that I didn't know how to deal with. But it's still there, as a vague 'feeling' and it still ruins my life and connections to others- to the point where I'm mildly suicidal because of how the avoidant, paranoid, personality that emerged from the desperation of my childhood has seeped into and destroyed every aspect of my life.