I'm still recovering. I don't lash out physically. I cut that out as a teenager thankfully when I realized the affect on my friendships.

It's hard escaping that normal reaction to get pissed. I still have to watch what I say. I realized recently I've been in the same mindset of trying to say the meanest thing you can think of in response since I was like 12. My SO told me he didn't grow up like that. Makes sense.

I'm constantly reassessing my behavior and relationships. I'm an agressive female in a relationship with a very laid back male. I think I'm the only one in danger of getting out of control and I always know it's still possible. So I try to identify that things that push me over the edge and work on those. Like when I say mean things and it just elevates everything.

I haven't fought anyone since I was probably 14, but I still feel it trying to push out of my skin. I've tried to instigate at least 5 fights since then, which somehow got diffused. It's all about controlling myself by knowing myself.

Now that I'm a parent. It's honestly terrifying. I'm a little afraid of myself. Even though I've never done anything to warrant that.