My situation didn't get that crazy, fortunately, but I think she wanted it to and didn't quite know how.

I'm 18 months out from my relationship and have been virtually no-contact. After wallowing around in depression and misery for a long time, and getting into some poor habits and letting my health be in the shitter, I started to make changes. Small ones, like quitting drinking sugary energy drinks, and then soda, and then starting to exercise, and sleeping more, and on and on and on. I also write in a journal every workday, and I realized that progress requires vigilance. I have gotten on a train towards improvement many times and fallen off, but if you really want to see something better in yourself, you have to be present. It's not an easy ride, but you progress and many things get easier. Now I strength train 4-5 times a week, I eat much better, I've lost over 10 pounds and I'm dating again. That's a whole new challenge, but I feel like I have a blueprint for how to get out of it. Being with someone with BPD feels like being diagnosed with cancer, and the effects linger long after the tumor is removed.