"Hello and Welcome to AtV 2.07 - cough - we need you to buy the Connie! Yes that's right, we need to move those collectors boxes along - so...!" -awkward silence- "So people are wondering when 2.0 is coming, well, we can't tell you - but we will tell you when it is - just don't expect us to have you expect any time worth expecting, but always expect it sooner even though it will probably be later! Remember Star Marine back in March? Yeah that was 8 months ago!"
-awkward transition-
"Meanwhile Santa Monica hasn't done jack, they're moving to new offices because fuck deadlines. And to 'not minimize impact to production' here's Darren and that douchebag talking ecstatically about how horribly generalized they can describe how an EMP grenade will work. Then they discuss how ship manufacturers ships will look like Nissans, Hondas and other ships from the same manufacturer. Neat! Well that's all they're capable of, this week!"
"So here's Austin, we got microphones. we're making clothes. we're the casaba sweatshop and we're proud of it. there's another couple guys still doing door animations on the Connie - then they'll move onto the Vanguard for another year or so! Other than that, we're making props because the game needs stuff - so we'll make a list and then have the UK actually make them! Efficient! That's all... uh, here..."
"Now here's some limies all borg'd up with animation capture. This is the stuff that makes the gameplay awesome Bob's your uncle and your bits and bobs are in your mother! WELP. Thanks, that's all!"
"And here's Germany... They're also doing fucking animation. BECAUSE IT'S FUNDAMENTAL TO GAMEPLAY. GAMING IS CINEMATIC. THIS IS NOT A GAME IT'S ART. FUCK THE GAME. And since they don't want to do a 'poopjob', let's make it short and sweet - uh - thanks guys!"
-footage of retards in game landing on each other-
Here's Jared with a stick in his ass, but then the breakfast burritos are they're to clear them out with the custom service dude. They're reading your tickets, but are making sure you know when the game is broken and what they broke, so they're always hard at work - because this will forever be in Alpha! Because some of us are not as stupid as all of us! smiles proudly Our service is doubling in size because it needs to... Because... It has to! And thanks for using the issue Council, even though we ignore 90% of the biggest problems, because we know about them already! ...By the way - I like to get in fights with soccer fans!
insert dead pun
"And now the Constellation. Oh the glorious ship that everyone owns yet no one can use! Here's the drug addled dude that has been working on it through his addiction. -Insert dialog we already know about modules- Here's a door. Behind it an airlock, there's a bulkhead - to make it more like a ship, while modular! Super highly detailed as I clip through the chair. It's got fog and shit, it's getting there. Lighting needs to be done, again. Inverted turret? We we're supposed to have an inverted turret? I'm the guy doing it, but I thought about, but it seems like it's too much work. We're 'passed' that point, so... Because it's... Confusing for my dehydrated brain. Ehhhh, here's the module you'll spend your time in! Here's the bathroom - where your sink is on your head while you shit -just remember the toilet paper!"
I rage quit the video, and probably have to rage quit the community. I love the game, and my criticism may not be completely valid - but so much of the development is driving me nuts right now. Nothing's been said about the PU or Star Marine, it's still just about a couple ships. They're pretty, sure. But at this point I really don't give a fuck what it looks like, I'm looking for core gameplay that'd I want to play - not using my imagination for the potential of what you could hypothetically do at this point - but they're still twiddling their thumbs about most of the core components of.
Work on the core game itself, guys. Models, cinematics and animations have taken over most of everything. I know they're important, but that should only be polish - because in truth all this title ever seemed to be is an illusion of a beautiful finished product, which at this pace will take longer than anyone would like or expect.