Yeah, the fun blackout rage, tasers and handcuffs party.

After my father left, I had a great childhood. Never had to deal with the never-ending childhood trauma. So, my problem is genetic.

Yet, I went rabid animal on the cops, because my destiny was to murder my pdoc, and they were interrupting my plans.

And this happened two days after I saw that pdoc, and told her I couldn't go to work, because I was afraid I was finally going stab a coworker with my pen. The pdoc said I was fine, and told me to come back in 3 weeks.

I've seen 3 pdocs since then. Still no help.

My job throws a lot of stress at me, which really flames the agitation. But I refuse to quit, because I want to work, and I can't find anything else. Plus, I've used up all my FMLA for a year, so that option is gone. And, I refuse to live off social security disability, and be a burden to society.

So, that's my situation. I'm not able to off myself, and I refuse to quit working. But, if I don't quit, what will the consequence be? Will I eventually calm down, or end up in a cop fight ... or will this have a really unlucky ending, where full psychotic rage will take over, and cause me to seriously injure another person, or worse?

What is being "strong AF" in this situation? Give up and live off welfare? Or keep working, hoping I get better, but knowing there's a slight chance I am endangering others' lives?

In fact, while I write this, I am lying in bed, next to my long-term gf, who is asleep. I love her, and thinking of her being attacked scares me.

But, my agitated mind is focusing a lot of blame and anger towards her, and wants me to hurt her. But, I'm easily able to ignore the urges, for now. Continuing to work could end with me assaulting and traumatizing her. But, if I quit my job, I will have failed her. We wouldn't be able to afford rent, and would become homeless.

And, funny thing is, I am the guy that donates to charities, buys homeless people meals in restaurants, and even takes bugs out of the house, instead of killing them.

Would having the courage to off myself, to avoid hurting others, or become a drain on society ... would that be the "strong AF" move to make? Since I still can't do it, does that make me "weak AF?"

This is the problem with your post. This is literally what is happening right now, in my life. Tell me what is the "strong AF" move I should make?