The adventures of Misses Klenchbottom, raging cunt.
Gloria McKlenchbottom sat in a school office lobby enjoying a specific scent she described as the beautiful smell of children. She was anxious and worried but waited patiently for her turn with the principal. As an active member in the PTA and full time events coordinator for her child, she knew all too well the value of time, and so she mentally rehearsed what she would say in her meeting, pausing at times to think of more profound language meant to convey the urgency in her noble quest. There was a monster in the school, and he needed to be stopped.
"Misses McKlenchbottom, it's always such a joy to see you!" greeted a well dressed stocky man walking from around the corner with his hand out forward.
Without hesitation and entirely forgetting about the planned speech she came up with in her mind just moments prior, McKlenchbottom ambushed the soft man with her complaint, "Principal Prickney, it's a travesty! It's horrendous! You have some kind of deviant in the school right now doing God knows what with the children! Principal Prickney we have to stop him!"
As McKlenchbottom screamed and whaled in total panic, her words drifted in and out of verbal recognition. Principal Prickney caught the flailing woman by her shoulders with the goal to calm her down but was startled and taken aback when doing so calmed her down completely and drew her total attention.
"Principal Prickney, physical contact." McKlenchbottom reminded Principal Prickney sternly as she shivered slightly.
Principal Prickney knew this could turn into a full blown sexual harassment lawsuit so he quickly refocused McKlenchbottom on her complaints, "Oh yes Misses McKlenchbottom, I apologize. So as you were saying, our teacher Mr. Slone has been drinking heavily in front of the children?"
"Drinking heavily and God knows what else! The man says he can't see anything and I read somewhere once that when you make your own whiskey, if you do it wrong, it can make you blind!" McKlenchbottom conveyed with sincere concern.
"Yes, I believe they call it the moon shine." Principal Prickney submitted. "How did you come to find all this out about Mr. Slone?"
"Well I always knew there was something wrong with the man. That whole being blind thing, it just rubbed me the wrong way. At back to school night I swear I caught him staring at--" McKlenchbottom paused a moment as the shiver returned, finishing her thought at the tail end of another secret orgasm, "--my bosom."
"Your bosom, you say?" Principal Prickney spoke softly.
McKlenchbottom continued, "Yes, just stared and stared and didn't look anywhere else in the room. So naturally, today while the children were at lunch, I sorted through the trash bin next to Mr. Slone's desk--"
"But Mr. Slone eats his lunch at his desk" Principal Prickney interrupted.
"Yes he does and by the way, he's definitely blind because I just stayed really quiet and he still let me leave with this!" McKlenchbottom said as she pulled from within her purse a plastic cup inside a plastic back.
Principal Prickney leaned in and analyzed the object a moment. Within the bottom rim of the cup was the inarguable remnant of a light brown liquid. The realization that he was responsible for hiring an uncontrollable booze hound sent him hunched over gripping his knees, dry heaving slightly before speaking, "Misses McKlenchbottom, I want to thank you. You have just saved the lives of countless helpless children. Now I must ask for your own safety that you wash your hands thoroughly and allow the forensic experts to handle this."
As gleeful joy overwhelmed McKlenchbottom, Principal Prickney screamed into his walky-talky about a code yellow. Within a moment the schools lights shut off but quickly returned under the bright blue white of military-grade UV light. Alarms sounded and men in swat uniform rushed through the hallways past McKlenchbottom now walking through the exit grinning ear to ear, for on this day, she had done God's work and taken down another servant of evil.