Hummmmmmm. What do I think of this? A few subjective bumps in the road for me personally, include how you present rocks at the "far end" of a beach, which I take to mean furthest from the camera. Then you describe what's in a guy's hands out there. This confused my brain since you've situated the camera so far away, and I didn't visualize a jump cut. I would prefer you describe a point, not a distance from the camera. Like, the far end of a pier is an absolute position irrespective of the camera. Since it's the first paragraph and my brain was confused, thought I'd mention. I'd put (27ish) into parenthesis since 27 isn't a descriptive the way 'frattish thug' might be. He ties off the knot and wraps the string around his hand. The same string? He'll reel it back? There's a lot of text on screen. I prefer stuff your brain can absorb fast like WHERE ARE YOU? and LET THIS GO! So your letter works without forced photography holding on it for us to read. But generally beware of too much notes and post-its on screen. Don't introduce a character as THE FILMMAKER without any context or description that earns him the title. He's not the filmmaker, he's a man, or an arm, he's a guy touching a door. Tell us how we know he's the filmmaker. Is he holding the camera? Is there a subtitle saying "this guy is the filmmaker". Show us how this is conveyed. What are we looking at while Mike ttells his story about a girl he knows found a pebble and micro-print words on it, only to find it again, somehow, on a BEACH... with a new word micro scrawled on it. Rather than pebble, make it a stone. The sea man would be better off writing his notes on hunks of wood rather than catching pebbles to deliver his messages, letting the sea itself posit the pebble next to her. Or his spectral presence crept up, then scurried back into the water to be sad and tortured. Lots of weird things are happening here. SCROLLING isn't a great way to introduce a laptop. Tell us what he's scrolling on. OVERALL THOUGHTS: You've fleshed out a neat idea: the sea trancing and kidnapping people, only to lure a succession of characters via the pleadings of the last character. Mike might have brought a merciful death to the sea-trapped friend throuhg sacrificing his own life, or the sea only holds one dude at a time and drowns him when he'd found a fresh guy. If this were a twilight zone episode I think I'd find it a little unsatisfying, a little heavy-handed, and a little like the author was too interested in his spooky idea of sea-luring to bother with any character at all. The idea isn't brilliant or fresh, sort of a rendition of old stories, but you've given literally nothing beyond it. Guy describes people dying, guy dies the same way. Nobody cares who the guy is. It's student-filmy. Almost doesn't need a script, since none of the writing here really super matters, specifically. Like off the top of my head I could think of something I like as much. Maybe: Sarah, in her 50s, watches the sea outside her kitchen window where she last saw her sister. A picture hangs on the wall, two young girls in the water. Sarah's sister an identical twin except for a birth mark on her face. Sarah touches the girl's face with one old hand. Detectives visit the poor woman each October since vandals pick the anniversary of her sister's drowning to disturb SARAH by scrawling messages on the face of the rock. But she knows it's not the vandals, the rusty waves recede to HELP ME SARAH raked into the wet rock as if by the narrow fingers of a young girl. Like clockwork each year. No footprints in the wet sand. Whoever clawed the message came from the water. A detective explains that this year the Beachside police department will assign an officer to spend the night in a cruiser parked up the beach. They reassure her the vandals won't get to her this year. She sits on her patio and watches the waves crash on the bare rock. The next morning rain thunders over the sleeping cop's windshield, a resident walking their dog raps on the officer's window to wake him. "WAKE UP! SARAH'S DROWNED!" Sarah's pale bloated body has washed up. Sure enough, COME SAVE ME SARAH is clawed into the wet algae on the rock. Police review the officer's dash-cam to find the letters appear as the water recedes, without any sign of a vandal. In the dim video they can see Sarah approach the sign on the rock, and wade into the water. She disappears. Then somehow reveal the body has a birthmark on her face to indicate Sarah got her sister out of there. But even with this, I feel like you'd need to know the detective better to warrant following the story after she dies. The choice you made to involve a documentary film crew doesn't add anything to me, except that they shouldn't have let a person drown on camera. Looking at the camera and telling unbelievable stories about pebbles isn't as interesting as showing something happen. An unnecessary gimmick, the doc idea, in my opinion. DISCLAIMER: THE ABOVE ARE MY UNRESTRAINED THOUGHTS, DON'T TAKE EM PERSONALLY.