Obviously looking at CP is pedophilia and it's disgusting. We all know that. However as long as you realize it was wrong, feel guilty, and you've never touched a kid I don't see you as an irredeemable human being. You do definitely need therapy to make sure you'd.never actually hurt a child and to deal with your other mental issues. You also need to work on blaming your actions on your mental issues. At the end of the day you chose to look at CP and you need to take responsibility for it. Your life isn't over. And your life DEFINITELY isn't nearly as bad as what the kids in those videos went through. You need to think about them and have empathy for them the way you obviously have empathy for yourself in this post. Please go to therapy. You can redeem yourself and be a good person from here on out. You do however deserve to be on the registry and for it to be public knowledge.