i grew up in a super strict cult, and on top of it had a sociopathic/pathological liar father and bipolar/anti-affectionate mother and both were abused as children as well. i have been an absolute nutcase for much of my life. i married my husband when he was 20, i was 21.

i have no idea why he is still with me. lol...

my first pregnancy made me crazy and he just sort of distanced himself. the only help i've ever gotten is medication, which i always end up not taking. weed is legal here now, never tried it before then, but i have found it helps recenter me. (i don't do it pregnant and not very often. i hate the idea of being a stoner) i have worked VERY hard to trace back all my problems and found several subs that help me. especially the group of fellow ex-cult members. they get it. i'm not one for therapy. more into studying psychology for myself. i have also become a SAHM which has helped me a ton. i just can't stand being around others. especially a work environment. the cult taught us that everyone else was evil, and my dad's paranoia and lies made it much worse.

for my anxiety i find that doing logic puzzles of any kid help me. i also have the tv running in the back ground all day, which hubby hates, but i feel like ripping my hair out if it isn't. can't be music. has to be conversation. if i get overwhelmed, i tell my husband that i need a break and he watches our son while i just go in the other room and do my own sort of meditation to throw out all my bad shitty feelings.

really, all my ill feelings are always about myself. i never nag my husband. he nags me and then gets mad if i'm upset. i get sooooo upset if he's not happy.