i mean, it’s much more complicated than that. there’s just a lot that’s wrong with my face and it makes my stomach sink just a little whenever i am unfortunate enough to accidentally catch my face in a reflection. id do anything to be treated like a normal person again. even people that are supportive don’t really treat me like a normal person. if i just looked better or less ill inducing i could be another face in the crowd again. i remember what it used to be like to not be something to be made fun of or mocked to my face. ive got a ton of work to do to earn the right to be seen as human again. i just want to get to a point where i can just walk down the street without either being afraid of physical violence towards me or openly and casually spoken insult jokingly said aloud for the lulz. if they could just see me as some unattractive and boring young woman i would be ecstatic. having everyone everywhere all the time stare at you is draining, and to have it happen everyday no matter what you do, with no end in sight ever. i feel the crushing weight of this burden of having to be this particular person in this pariticular body and have to wonder what this daily suffering is in service to.