I had a friend we no longer speak not only because of his constant story telling. I'm not making these things up but he did and would actually get pissed off everytime somebody called him on his bullshit. My favorite quotes:
"This one time after a party I got super wasted and woke up in bed with seven girls, all of them were models for teen glamor magazine."
"This guy broke in my buddies garage, stole (whatever), then ran into the field to get away so he grabbed his shotgun and I picked up his dad's Barrett .50 caliber sniper rifle and we held him at gunpoint til the cops came. Cops said were should join SWAT."
"During a thunderstorm an elk tree (I've been there, no such tree ever existed) fell on my baby mama's trailer so I drove over there in the flooding rain and all it took was one panic attack for me to lift this giant 100 ft tree off of their trailer so they could escape."
"I was at the 3oh!3 concert this weekend and some guy was dancing all close to me so I asked him to quit but he just gave me the finger then poured his drink all over me. So I turned around and punched thru his face like this (demonstration given) and knocked him out cold. The music stopped and the lead singer of 30h3 said 'DAYOM'." (In reality confirmed by another friend, they had a pussy shoving match and both got kicked out. Music never stopped)
"When (his current woman) broke up with me I went to the gym and lifted to feel better and I got my pump going so good when Eminems not afraid came on I increased my bench to 450lbs and repped that weight for like ten or fifteen reps. Was there for like 7 hours just working the body bro. Hardcore shit man."
"This one time I started singing the lyrics of Paradise by Coldplay to this girl and she instantly had sex with me." (Thanks for ruining that song for me now, asshole)
"I stopped on the side of (busy 8 lane highway running next to downtown) to help this old lady who had a flat tire, and as I was walking up to her car I got side swiped by a car driving probably 70 mph and that send me tumbling down the road and the driver just kept going. I was still able to fix that tire for her."
"This one time downtown during (it's like a giant block party) I got jumped by MS13 gang members, probably thirty or thirty-five and I was just dropping them one at a time as they were coming." (Demonstration of fighting moves)
"After I found out (current woman) was cheating I was so mad I went outside and flipped my grandma's van over. I LITERALLY picked it up so fast the tires on the other side didn't even touch the ground and I did it so fast it landed perfectly on the top. That's why it's not damaged."
"I bought backstage VIP passes to the Justin Bieber concert so (current woman) could meet him and she wasn't even excited so I just gave the tickets away to another girl."