I don’t get unbearable embarrassment but I will replay what I did or didn’t say or what I did or didn’t write for work and then worry over it. I’m always so stressed out by work.

I get so relieved by the time the work day is over - I can finally exhale. Working from home is preferable but it also means I can’t read the nuanced social cues I’ve done well with reading.

I have an executive level job so I put on my mask as an extrovert and perform.

I’m not sure if working from home all the time is good for me but many days I’m able to get more done. It’s a weird balance because I don’t understand half the time what the hell my new boss wants from me (he’s vague on instructions and particular about expectations). I drive myself crazy trying to hit home runs for this guy so I can feel “safe” in my job.

I’ve been promoted every year I’ve been with this pretty decent (and large) company. I need to trust my “good” is still better than a lot of people’s great and that I don’t need to be scared.

My last boss (same department, same company, different teams) was controlling. I think I’m suffering more severe PTSD and anxiety now that I’ve finally gotten away from her. She used make everything a “fire drill” and ramp up the drama, and then get controlling. After I had some time to reflect while being off for a concussion I realized what had been going on for 2 years.

But it’s insidious and we doubt ourselves. Major kudos to those of you who have clear and comfortable boundaries. I’m dealing with being sick and I still get guilt feelings over missing something during a doctor’s appointment.

Meanwhile, other people go on vacations for a week or two with their families and don’t stress about it.

I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m lonely. But I also need my isolation so much to recharge.

I don’t expect that most “typical” people looking for a romantic partner will want the vibe I’m carrying now. But it is what it is. I’m just trying to get healthy, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I believe I deserve to have the life I want though, and I refuse to let all that abuse I have been through, and mistreatment, rob me of something I really want in my life. I just need to get back to doing the work. I deserve to not have hyper vigilance at work.

I deserve to heal this neurological, hormonal, gastroenterological illness I’m dealing with.

I deserve a loving, generous partner (as I have always been).

No more shackles.