My ex was the reliable tall handsome friendly guy that everyone looked up too. Everyone saw as a role model. Hard working, determined to help his friends in need.

Everyone.

Except myself. I was the "girl friend" that was expected to have the house cleaned, i was expected to stay up and iron his clothes and make dinner. I also worked my full-time job on top of this. If I didn't do any of this the anger and belittlement i would receive from him was outrageous.

I was never allowed to see my friends. So the times I would see them being 20-something. I would go a little crazy and just get absolutely drunk and stay out to 3-4am. This would happen every..6 months? When I would get home it would just be anger and yelling how he couldn't sleep how he had things to do etc. Yet every Friday his friends would come over and be loud and abrasive till 3-4am playing NHL on xbox. Yet i was not allowed to go out with my friends or any friends that came over received extreme judgement from my ex.

He was also constantly displeased with how I looked. Saying I needed to lose weight (Im very small and skinny...) and that i don't dress up enough for him.

I was never allowed to be upset, mad or sad. Some days I would come home from work just so upset nearly in tears from the stress and he would look me in the face saying "You need to get over it. I was having a nice day till you came home like this"

Everyone once and awhile I would end up drinking with him and his friends and his friends would leave and I would have a melt down and he would say i was insane.

I thought i was - I thought I was that crazy girlfriend. I would do everything in my power to make up from my reaction the night before making breakfast. Having sex, cleaning the house. It became a downward spiral.

Its been about 5 months since I left him and it has taken me a lot of time to realize I was not crazy. I was in an extremely emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. Only his sister and his best friend are the ones to truly see how damaging and hurtful he was too me. Everyone else in our circle think of him as a god.

That's ok. As long as I realize how fucked up it was. It's still tough though. My anxiety is through the roof, i have low confidence but it takes time. 5 years is a long time.