Is doesn’t surprise me that there is little interest in this post, or that the highest voted comment is about swiping left on all profiles that mention disability.

I live in a building with a lot of wheelchair-accessible apartments, and a lot of physically disabled people live here. The disabled men are mostly vets or guys who were in motorcycle accidents. They sometimes have girlfriends. The disabled women mostly have spina bidifa or cerebral palsy, and it’s rare to see one with a boyfriend. I’ve only seen one in over 30 years. The more attractive ones have too many stories of being approached when they were in high school and their twenties by guys who pretended interest in order to use them to lose their virginity or for sexual experimentation. The lucky ones had family looking out for them, to help intervene so that the guys took off when it wasn’t easy to get access. If they’d truly wanted to be a boyfriend and have a relationship, they wouldn’t have minded family contact.

I have a degenerating skeleton but can still walk unaided, and get regular interest from men that evaporates when I thank them for the compliment but tell them I am disabled. Every once in awhile some sleaze will make clear he’d still do me. Some of my acquaintances are puzzled why I don’t go for it, and I have to explain to them that a guy sexually propositioning you because he’d be willing to do you doesn’t make most women’s hearts go pitter-pat. Some people enjoy being objectified, but most of us would like to be cared for and loved, and have sex be a part of an affectionate relationship.

Whenever the topic of dating disabled people comes up on this sub, most people avoid commenting except to say they don’t want a lifestyle difference so they swipe left. Most people here are divorced, and want things easier than they had it before. More money, more travel, more sex, more freedom. Not less. Comments mocking OLD profiles of people on SSDI or SSI are common. As if.

Occasionally I’ll have a conversation with someone my age who will tell me they’re surprised I never married. And I ask them to think about how they’d react if one of their adult children told them they’d met someone great and were in love. When they ask questions, they discover the person their child is in love with is disabled, yada yada. Their enthusiasm for their child’s happiness becomes concern. I had a boyfriend once whose parents went ballistic when they found out he was dating me. Unless you’re able to be gainfully employed as a disabled person, you become your spouse’s financial dependent if you marry. And the healthcare system in the U.S. means poor benefits can ruin someone’s life.

There are many, many strikes against relationships for disabled people.