I wish I had your courage...its been almost 2 years and i knew 2 hours in this was a bad idea. I know I feel love but the anxiety and stress along with it caused me to drink heavily...quit drinking, isolate, be manic etc... She'll ignore me at times out of nowhere and I know she'll be out on with other people, which I'm ok with but to be ignored just feels awful. Then when im busy with my family she threatens to expose me and it's just so damn toxic.

I've caught her in lies and I still forgive her, she's been more transparent and making an effort to "win" me but I've told her several times it will never happen because I DONT TRUST HER actions...but I trust her heart..and soul. I know she only lied to not hurt my feelings but what the hell...

I know it has to end but I dunno...this whole thing has made me feel like I should go be alone for a while. It's just so hard with kids and living in the bay area.

Xoxoxoxoxoxo to all yall....I really wish there was meetings for this. Anyone I tell about this just laughs at me. I wish I could have em both..they're polar opposites but together mesh perfectly with me...am I being selfish? Does this make me an bad person?