elaboration(english not native tongue but will try my best)

6 months ago i first tried weed in my life.I am male, 22 right now.It felt amazing since day one.although i became quite delusional when i smoked a bit too much(thought weird shit like I was receiving God signals and had quite amazing closed eyed visuals, lol I know only on weed).Anyway I have always had superstitious tendencies and weed definitely enhanced these.One day I could not manage any weed so I decided to fuck it and try lsd which my weed dealer had.I took a tab and I started feeling great after an hour or so.After two hours two of my casual friends came over two my house and they were on lsd too.They had some weed with them and needless to say i smoked some.very soon after that my heart rate increased a lot i started panicing(i must say before that there was no sign of any bad trip whatsoever).anyway, I looked at one of my friend, he has kind of lazy eyes and in that moment he looked like a reptile to me.first i wasnt scared, found it amusing to be truthful, then my past religious views started kicking in( i was a hardcore muslim once, now kinda atheist).It felt like that friend was devil in disguise.i started seeing signs in his face and his mannerisms that once he defied god and was cast down as a demon.i started panicing way more.I was sexually abused by another guy as a child so I am kinda homophobic(its like i always suspect a male friend might be gay or is hitting on me and whenever i sense that in the slightest i try to distance myself from him as much as possible, I should mention that I am sexually straight as I watch and jack off to straight/lesbian porn and watched gay porn twice out of fear that i might be gay but it did not cause any erection, not that it is something to be proud of(not being gay).Anyway then i started feeling that the devil in disguise was trying to have sex with me so i ran to my room and locked myself.soon afterwards shit was getting really worse, i started having really vivid visual hallucinations and finally experienced everything within my visual field completely shattering. i also felt like i gone completely nuts as i was hearing fake conversations in my head i was loudly telling them to stop mocking me,an hour later i calmed down and finally was able to sleep.One thing i though i should mention is that when i took lsd, i was awake for 24+ hours straight so kinda sleep deprived and also at very little.anyway after sleeping i felt kinda alright but whenver i close my eyes i still see swirling visuals and iam kinda having frequent sleep paralysis and also i think i have developed hppd or something like that as i see a lot of grain/visual snow in low light conditons.

And finally I have always been quite depressed and thought casually about suicide but now everytime i feel bad i think that i should kill myself as i see no point in living anyway.