My life has completely gone to shit and I'm not even twenty yet.

My mother has proven she has no interests but to use me until I move out, but I was never taught about the real world so I'm so afraid of leaving.

My high-school education is destroyed. As if the first four years of fuckups weren't enough, I'm in my final year and have only been there about half the time. Half because I was either sick or tired, the other half because I was taking care of my fucking mother again. Either cleaning her house or trying to make sure she doesn't burn the house down because she's high on painkillers again and won't fucking lay down, instead lighting cigarette after cigarette, going to the bathroom to avoid sleeping and claiming she needs to stay up because she needs to pee but can't. Falling asleep standing up and sitting, you walk into the living room and there's a fifty year old woman, stinks to all hell, no pants, face resting on the livingroom fucking table. My father left a little over a year ago, I've had to care for her since. Have you ever had to make your mother think you killed her to snap her out of a hallucination as she screams at imaginary police on the front lawn? I have.

And what a way to repay me for caring for her, she lies to me about everything.

She needed to clean the house. I stayed home to help, in return she was going to help me catch up on this pile of homework I have to do. She took an essay and said she'd write it. It's due the day after tomorrow, she hasn't even started and I haven't even made a dent in the rest of this pile. Everything is so late. The principal hates me too. I haven't told him anything about home. The last thing I'd want is to make enemies with the people I have to live with. He has been telling me I won't make it for as long as I've known him. Tried to suspend me for being late on the first day because I didn't know where my classroom was. How I haven't been expelled, I have no idea.

I am unemployed. Collecting disability. I would work, but I can't handle the stress.

I'm incapable of making new friends. Everything is built on trust for me. I've known my two best friends the longest. They are my only friends. But one of them is almost impossible to talk to, she will avoid responding for weeks at a time. Even though whenever she does want to talk, she'll slip in some way of saying "I want you to move here."

I used to write music to help. I thought I was pretty good for having no training. I haven't written anything in months. I can't think of anything, even if I wanted to. I haven't put any effort into playing piano either. This morning I realized I forgot how to play one of my favourite songs. I have a constant shiver from the stress. I've pretty much resorted to constantly smoking pot and watching YouTube to try and distract myself from the real world, but that only causes the things I'm stressed about to pile up that much faster. I want to get this out of the way, but I have no drive to do this whatsoever.

I want to go to university. There's a music program I want to get into, it has everything I want to learn. There's no way that's even an option anymore. And I'm so fucked up about it.

I have no family to rely on. My sisters offer, but I don't get along with my sisters. My father is a complete psychopath, so is my mother. Definitely how I learned to be such a dick.

I'm in a bad spot. I need advice, please help me.